Pepperdine dating drought persists

Delta Gamma sorority members pose for a picture at their formal. Although sororities and fraternities host formals that help promote dating at Pepperdine, the majority of the student population is not affiliated (Photo courtesy Natalie Rulon).

Frustration, disappointment, intimidation.

These are just some of the feelings Pepperdine students shared about the dating experience here.

A Pepp Post poll of 62 students found that most students have a negative to ambivalent view of the dating scene on campuses, and very few have gone on more than a few dates. The high female-to-male ratio is the main cause, but Pepperdine students pointed to other hindrances, such as the difficulties of dating in a small community, little casual dating, a heavy push toward getting engaged and even study abroad forcing relationships to end.

“Many students, typically female students, have come just to talk about frustrations and dissatisfactions with dating,” said Kelly Haer, program director of Relationship IQ at the Boone Center for the Family.

Pepperdine student opinions

The Pepp Post poll asked students to rate the dating experience at Pepperdine on a scale of one to five, with one being the worst dating experience ever to five being the best. More than half rated the dating scene negatively and another third were ambivalent.

The reasons behind these ratings were mostly negative. Students cited the gender ratio and ring-by-spring pressure. Some said there is no in-between at Pepperdine; students either hook up or get married. Students also said there aren’t enough opportunities to meet people outside of Greek life. Others said the community was so small that everyone knew everyone and each other’s businesses, which hindered dating. Others complained of cliquishness.

Although the majority of students said they have the time to date, most students have never dated anyone at Pepperdine.

More than half of respondents have never gone on any dates at Pepperdine, 26 percent have gone on two to four dates and only 5 percent have gone on more than 10 dates.

“There’s really a wide spectrum of what people are after,” Haer said.

Gender ratio

Female students are, in a way, forced to make the first move due to the 60 to 40, female to male ratio.

“Thanks to simple laws of supply and demand, it is often the women who must assert themselves romantically or be left alone on Valentine’s Day,” Alex Williams wrote in a Feb. 5 New York Times article about the shortage of men on college campuses.

Pepperdine’s gender ratio and lack of social events also make it hard to meet people in the first place.

“I think Pepperdine should have an equal ratio,” said Benicia Lie, a junior integrated marketing communication major. “I also think that we should have more mixed activities, activities that will bring both genders together.”

Ring-by-spring

And then there is the ring-by-spring phenomenon, the idea that couples should get engaged before or during the spring semester of their senior year. Haer said it puts a lot of pressure on the females at Pepperdine.

“I know there’s people who feel the pressure for ring-by-spring, wanting to be engaged by the conclusion of senior year, for graduation, to know that they’re going to get married,” Haer said.

Students also agree with Haer’s statement about ring-by-spring pressure.

“I think the pressure (to get engaged by spring) is always on the girls more so than the guys obviously,” said Adam Lucas, a sophomore nutrition major who’s pre-med. “Just traditionally, they always have those ideas and those thoughts in mind about wanting that at some point so I think there’s a lot of pressure, definitely.”

Study abroad

Some students have even found that the study-abroad program impacts their ability to date in their first two years.

Pepperdine is ranked No. 1 in the nation for study abroad and two-third of students participate, according to the International Programs webpage.

Holly Reynolds, a sophomore liberal arts major, faced the reality that she and her then boyfriend would have to spend their sophomore year apart, as she wanted to go to Florence and he wanted to go to Buenos Aires.

“Personally, I hate abroad,” Reynolds said. “I definitely think it takes a toll on any relationship or friendship … it messes with a lot of people and it’s just difficult for couples who do date and they go to different programs … it’s definitely hard.”

Greek life and dating

Students who are affiliated seem to have a more positive outlook on the dating culture at Pepperdine.

Greek life is viewed as a community where people get to know one another, said Sudie Canada, senior public relations major and president of Pepperdine Panhellenic. Men and women get to know each other better at formals, allowing for a rare casual dating experience at Pepperdine.

“I don’t think anyone thinks that taking someone to formal means they are dating,” Canada said.

Contrary to popular belief, affiliated men and women do date outside of Greek life, said Diane Lindsey, senior organizational communication major and vice president of ethics and morals for Pepperdine Panhellenic.

It’s very stereotypical for people to think that being in a fraternity gives someone a dating advantage, Lucas said. Affiliated men and women don’t feel pressured to jump into a relationship when hanging out; it can be innocent or just a way of getting to know each other.

When it comes to the pressure for ring-by-spring, it can be associated with sororities because they offer certain kinds of rituals when somebody is engaged.

“You get to be seen and celebrated in your sorority,” Haer said. “That’s a really special thing.”

Dating at other universities

California Lutheran University (CLU) and Loyola Marymount University (LMU) are similar to Pepperdine. All three universities are private religious institutions and have a high female to male student ratio.

CLU has a total undergraduate population of 2,892, 57 percent female to 43 percent male, according to data from U.S. News. Pepperdine has a total undergraduate population of 3,542, 59 percent female to 41 percent male. And LMU, although relatively larger in population with an undergraduate enrollment of 6,261, has a similar gender distribution of 56 percent female to
44 percent male.

Students at CLU and LMU, however, gave more positive feedback about the dating culture at their schools.

The word “hook-up” has two meanings – to make out with someone or to have sex with someone. Typically, at Pepperdine, a hook up means making out. At other colleges, it means sex.

College is all about experiences and LMU students are involved in both casual dating and committed relationships, said Okkar MinDin, a junior business management major. Students at LMU can go along with the hook-up culture, but they are also able to meet ‘the one’ if that is what they are looking for.

However, there can be more “normal dating” at LMU, said Thant Shan Htun, a junior entrepreneurship major. Just because two people are dating does not mean they are going to commit to each other.

Casual dating is something that is also prevalent at CLU.

“I’d say (the dating culture at CLU) is pretty chill, pretty light-hearted,” said Aye Waddy, a sophomore psychology major at CLU. “Nobody is looking for anything serious to get married in a few years time. It’s more of a ‘hey, I think you’re attractive, you seem to think I’m attractive, hook-up maybe?’”

Casual dating is rare on the Pepperdine campus. Students are more likely to rush into committed relationships, which can be more harmful than beneficial.

“If a guy, or even a girl, asks the opposite sex out on a date, it’s seen as meaning a whole lot,” Haer said. “There tends to be pressure around dating because dating carries a lot of meaning … but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of space for casual dating even as I think that can be done really well and can be really healthy … girls and guys spending time together in groups, one-on-one, as a means to get to know each other.”

Ingyine Ingyine completed the reporting for this story under the supervision of Dr. Christina Littlefield and Dr. Theresa de los Santos in Jour 241 in fall 2017. Dr. Littlefield supervised the writing of the web story.