Students Navigate High-School Relationships in College

From hallways and homecomings to dorm room suites and Waves Cafe eats. 

Maintaining a high-school relationship in college can be difficult, but not impossible. 

There are challenges to holding onto a high-school love, such as being long distance, facing communication roadblocks or differing life paths. But students said there can also be beauties, such as growing together, enjoying a shared history and fostering each other’s independence. 

Savannah Kofed, a first-year English major, and her boyfriend Sebastian Sokolow, a first-year political science major, said they’ve been dating since sixth grade, and have dealt with their fair share of naysayers. 

“Everyone says ‘Have the college experience, don’t stay with your high-school boyfriend,’ but I don’t really get that,” Solokow said. “So do what you want to do rather than following that really typical saying that everyone else puts in your head.” 

Pepperdine students said it’s situational whether one should leave a high-school relationship in the past or try to go the distance. 

Two Paths, One Destination

Students who brought their high-school relationships to Pepperdine said their relationships have enhanced their college experience. 

“I became an overall happier person because he made me be that way,” first-year accounting major Kylie McCallum said.

McCallum said she and her boyfriend, Caleb Tuthill, a first-year finance major, have been inseparable since their long-term friendship turned romantic and they both decided to come to Pepperdine. 

“Looking into it,” McCallum said. “We both decided that Pepperdine was really good for both of us, academically and spiritually.” 

A similar young love story goes for Kofed and Sokolow, who first bonded over a candy gram in sixth grade, and continued that middle-school love into high school and now Pepperdine. 

“It all just all fell into place that we both landed here,” Sokolow said. “Now it’s like we’re neighbors, it’s really fun.” 

Kofed and Sokolow said they continue to learn and grow with each other.

“We have grown in trust for sure,” Sokolow said. “Growing to [understand] the other person.” 

Brooklyn Robinson, a senior political science major, and her boyfriend Gavin Boyd, a Colorado Christian University junior, have been in a long-distance relationship for almost three years and share a common goal of marriage in the future.

Robinson said if one wants to go into college with a relationship, one needs to have an end goal in mind. 

“We came into the mindset that dating is not just for a fun time but it’s for marriage in the end,” Robinson said. “Since we both had that expectation of our dating relationship, it made it easier when we decided to do long distance.”

Robinson said allowing each other to grow individually while being together is important.

“Give each other grace because you are entering this new season of life,” Robinson said. “You want to be able to have a foundation at your own school and with your own people when your partner can’t necessarily be there.”

McCallum said the end goal of a relationship can be a deciding factor on whether or not a high-school relationship in college is the ideal choice. 

“If you really see yourself getting married to that person,” McCallum said. “I don’t see a point in breaking up.”

Out With the Old, In With The New 

College is about discovering new passions, and shaping students into who they want to become, Esther Bell wrote in an April 26 Teen Vogue article. 

Kelly Haer, executive director of the Boone Center for the Family at Pepperdine, said an “old” relationship may not fit into this “new” picture.

“The combination of being young and still learning who they are and going through so much change can be fairly rocky to continue a relationship,” Haer said. 

Change and growth can be a major outcome of the college experience, and one may grow out of a high-school relationship.

“If you enter into a relationship and then you find that you guys aren’t growing and you’re kind of staying the same then I would say maybe the relationship isn’t for you,” Robinson said. 

Haer reiterated the importance of enjoying the moment instead of focusing all attention on one’s partner. 

“Make friends in the flesh, have friendships, versus feeling like my world is back there,” Haer said. “‘I’m just here to study and get a degree, but my life is over there.’ Let life be here, present where you are.”

McCallum said a relationship is a joint partnership between two people and each person is in college to follow their own goals.

“I hope I can be successful in my own way,” McCallum said. 

Staying present in the college experience while also maintaining a healthy dating relationship is possible, Haer said it just takes hard work. 

“Relationships take work and having increased distance brings a need for greater intentionality,” Haer said. 

“Talk about it, Talk about it, Talk about it” 

Communication is the root of all healthy, growing relationships. 

“Communication is key,” Sokolow said. 

Haer said being able to communicate about one’s goals, aspirations and feelings is crucial in sustaining a high-school relationship in college. 

 “[Affirm] the relationship as you can, always being honest with your goals and aspirations,” Haer said. 

Robinson said she advocates for the importance of communication, especially in maintaining a high-school relationship at two different colleges in two different states.

“The biggest advice I would give is talk with your partner about your transition and what your hopes and dreams are for the next season of your life,” Robinson said. 

Positive communication has always been important to Robinson. 

“Making sure your person is constantly encouraging you and challenging you and wanting you to be the best version of yourself,” Robinson said. 

In any relationship, conflicts can occur, but McCallum said it’s about what one does from there. 

“It’s not how many fights until we break up,” McCallum said. “It’s more of fixing the root of the problem.” 

Positive Psychology said that communication strategies are important to establish, but Haer said it’s how two people go about communicating with each other that is vital to keeping a high-school relationship healthy in college. 

“Bigger picture, it’s not so much what communication strategies but it’s how you go about communicating,” Haer said. “Offering acceptance but not accepting or being OK with things that are not.”

Haylie Ross reported this enterprise story in Jour 241 during the Fall 2024 semester under the supervision of Dr. Christina Littlefield and Dr. Theresa de los Santos. Dr. Littlefield supervised the web article.